“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read.”
– James Baldwin
No one escapes suffering. It’s the through line of human history. What separates us from the animals isn’t that we suffer; they do too: pain, hunger, and death. But humans. Humans have the ability to suffer the pain of their minds—the pain of what’s passed, and the dread of what’s to come. And if you want freedom from this, you must change your perspective on suffering.
Suffering offers you two choices: collapse under its weight or walk through it with steady resolve. To collapse invites pain and misery as a life of worry, fear, and doubt begins to cloud your mind. Anger, regret, and bitterness silently simmer beneath the surface until the emotions boil over, wreaking havoc on your mental state.
Choosing resolve doesn’t negate the pain you feel. Instead, you make a conscious choice to face your demons head-on, without flinching, like a warrior in the heat of a battle: relentless and without fear.
Be forewarned, though, the path of the warrior is never easy.
It takes courage to battle a demon, especially when you’ve made friends with it, but it’s worthwhile nonetheless.
The problem here isn’t that you don’t have what it takes to stand your ground.
No.
It’s that you think you can’t.
You believe your pain is uniquely yours, and as such, you silo yourself from the rest of the world in a cage of isolation—a prisoner of your mind. And yet, freedom has always been there—a simple opening of the door by shifting your perspective.
It’s about becoming vulnerable with others, with history, with truth, and, most importantly, with yourself. When you can do that, that’s the moment you begin to change your life.
The Illusion of Isolated Suffering
As I battled with depression, I became the embodiment of Baldwin’s words. I forged a cage that told me I was alone with my pain and heartbreak, that my suffering was unprecedented in the history of the world.
Never mind the wars I’d seen on television.
Starving nations.
Mothers cradling dead children because some tyrant declared war on his own population.
Forget about the plight of the innocent—the sexually abused.
Women rapped.
Little boys and girls molested to gratify the brokenness of man.
Orphans. The homeless. The family of a murder victim haunted by questions and left without answers.
I didn’t think about the woman who came home with her children looking for their daddy, only to find him on the floor with a bullet through his head, or hanging from the rafters, or the backyard playground.
No.
I suffered the pain of my mind, erecting walls of my choosing. A cell of torment I could call home.
This isn’t to say I didn’t experience real suffering, only that I didn’t know how to carry it. So, I let it carry me instead.
The Real Illusion
The illusion is that I suffered alone. It’s that you suffer alone.
But you don’t.
You suffer because you were never taught how not to. Our culture rewards independence but stigmatizes vulnerability, demonizing emotions.
“Stop crying.”
“Man up.”
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Instead of being allowed to process your emotions, you were shamed for them, deepening the silence of suffering, forcing you into a prison of your mind.
Eventually, the pain distorts your perception, whispering, “You’re alone in this.”
However, this is far from the truth. Suffering is everywhere. You don’t need to go far to find it. Broken people walk past you every day, most of them suffering in silence, just like you.
So, how do you break this illusion?
How do you change your perspective when the world feels like it’s crumbling around you? Maybe a better question is, why should you change your perspective?
Why Perspective is Everything
Suffering is universal. What changes is the meaning we assign to it. Here’s a simple story to illustrate the point.
Two brothers grew up with an overbearing, abusive father. One brother became an alcoholic and eventually ended up homeless, while the other brother went on to become a very successful businessman. When asked how they ended up where they were in life, both brothers gave the same answer: “My father.”
When you get down to it, suffering—at least in the mind—is often a choice.
Most of your suffering is past or future-based. Still, you find yourself revisiting those places to either relive events that have already happened or to imagine situations that may never occur.
Just because you suffer, it doesn’t mean you have to.
You either choose to suffer or you don’t.
Is making the choice not to suffer easy? Not at all.
Can it be done? Emphatically, yes!
The Work of Changing Your Mind
The question is, how hard are you willing to work for it?
Do you want to change your perspective? Are you willing to do what most never will?
Changing your perspective doesn’t start with fixing everything. It begins by seeing differently, opening your eyes to the world beyond the walls you’ve built, and taking the time to open yourself to understanding people, history, stories, and spirituality.
Train your mind to release its grip on isolation. Stop being the “only one.” You never were.
When you do, you begin to realize that you’re not alone. The world is full of people quietly suffering alongside you.
As you do this, you may start to see your suffering for what it is—not the whole story, but a part of it.
Perspective doesn’t erase your pain. It simply removes the magnifying glass focused on your suffering. Your pain might still be there, but so is the breath in your lungs. So is your food and shelter. Not everyone has that, and some never will.
When you inevitably find yourself struggling, it’s best to have a few tools to fall back on.
One Simple Tool to Help You Change Your Perspective
Sometimes, the best tools are the simplest ones—and for me, that’s often a quote. Those sharp, quiet reminders that pull me back from the edge of my thoughts. Some examples include:
“Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.”
– Napoleon Hill
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
– Buddha
Quotes like these aren’t about optimism. They’re an arsenal for the battleground of your mind. They remind you that your thoughts are the architects of your emotions. If you can harness your thoughts, you’ve found freedom. But to do this, you must be willing to change your perspective.
Let go of the lie that misery is your destiny.
The Choice That Changes Everything
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. The real you is behind your thoughts and emotions. That’s the part that’s free, and can choose how to approach life from here on out.
I believed I was trapped in the misery of depression, destined to live out my days in mental agony, until I started to change my perspective. I didn’t find freedom by muttering mantras or convincing myself to believe in wishful thinking.
I worked hard at directing my mind from depressive thoughts to non-depressive ones. It took time and was difficult. I could have bypassed a lot of pain had I known what I know now, but the work was worth it.
There’s no perfect time to start. It’s just the next thought and your decision to meet it differently. Give in to it or redirect it. Be the victim or embrace the warrior who battles the demon. Sometimes, all it takes is noticing the thought and catching it before it takes over.
The battle isn’t over, but now you know how to win.
Thank you for reading. If this resonated with you, I challenge you to sit with it and feel it.
If someone you care about needs to hear this, pass it along. They might need a moment of perspective, too.
You can find more of my work at josiahthibodeau.com
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Until next time,
Josiah
