Welcome to Part 2 of the title above
So, why Part 2? Didn’t Part 1 encapsulate why we should be learning to cultivate joy within ourselves?
Yes…but it’s such a deep topic, so why not?
For instance, we didn’t get to dissect the idea that the pursuit of happiness is a low-level form of escape from the perceived, or real, pain or suffering in one’s life.
Think about the benders you go on to try and escape reality. Maybe it doesn’t happen all the time, but I’m sure it does happen. It might not be what we would traditionally consider a ‘bender’ but it most definitely is.
I know people who have been addicted to video games. You might use your favorite TV show as an escape as you binge through several seasons on a weekend, or even just having it on all the time. It could be the never-ending gossip because cutting someone else down makes you feel better about yourself.
This is just a short list too!
Humans Have Created Any Number of Reality-Escaping Mechanisms Just So They Can Feel Okay Inside.
If you don’t believe me, go sit by yourself in complete silence and see how long you last.
I remember being in sales training for work, and the instructor was discussing the concept of using silence during the sale. To prove that silence worked, he asked the 20 or so people in the room to sit in silence for five minutes. I think the group made it 20 to 30 seconds before the fidgeting began, and not much longer before people started making noises of some sort to ease their pain of silence.
You may not even be thinking any deep dark thoughts, but there’s something about silence that stirs the subconscious within us. It makes people squirm. But why is that?
Going back to the Indian mystic, Sadhguru, from Part 1. He has many teachings that discuss how wonderful life is when you learn to go inward. He argues that we are the most complex mechanism in the universe and that life is blossoming within, so why wouldn’t we go there to experience life? The catch is you have to learn to be silent.
The Problem with Silence is Thoughts.
It may not always be deep dark thoughts as I mentioned above, but it’s the never-ending monkey mind that won’t shut off.
Left long enough, you start questioning things. Who am I? What am I doing in life? What is the purpose of life? Why are we all here? I’m not where I hoped I would have been by now. I can’t believe that relationship ended the way it did. Am I a bad person? Why did my father or mother treat me the way they did? Why do I treat others the way I do? Do people even like me?
On and on it goes. Again, if you don’t believe me. Go sit in absolute silence for an hour and see what happens. See where your mind takes you. If you really want to get crazy, do it for several hours. Eyes closed, no moving. Have fun!
Since most of us don’t know how to tame the mind, we use outside circumstances to placate the inner workings of our mind.
It’s like someone who’s afraid of the dark. You turn off the lights and all the ghosts and demons come out. But as soon as you turn on the light, they’re gone and the person is safe again.
Circumstances only last for so long though. Eventually, they change, or the shine wears off and you’re left struggling to fill the void. I need a new this or that to fill me up and take my mind off what I really need to be focusing on.
This is where therapy can really help. I used to look down on therapy, but after having gone through it several times with different therapists, I found it really can help. You can work out your problems or issues in a safe place and see that the monsters you’re dealing with aren’t that big. It’s just a shadow on the wall of your mind.
When you really get down to it…Happiness originating from ever-changing outside circumstances or situations is a fleeting experience and is not sustainable if you want to live a joy-filled life.
Chasing Happiness Through Outside Circumstances is Akin to Living Like an Addict.
You feel a momentary pleasure before you come crashing down, only to find yourself doing whatever you can to feel the euphoria again.
I think one of the reasons this happens is because instead of dealing with ourselves and the myriad of internal problems we face, we would rather run and hide. We don’t know how to deal with or cope with these internal struggles. I mean, no one taught us how. And we can’t really blame them because no one taught them how either.
It’s been like a giant game of Marco Polo in the dark and everyone is miles away from each other.
So, whenever those strong “Negative” emotions show up, we don’t know how to handle them. They can begin to overwhelm us. We don’t like how they make us feel and don’t like who we become when they raise their ugly little heads.
We’d rather try to run or hide from them, or maybe give in to them because we feel helpless when they’re triggered. We can even make excuses and associate those long-time feelings with the thought, “That’s just how or who I am”.
Well yes…but no.
It may be how or who you are, but it doesn’t have to be.
The benefit of learning how to live life as an expression of joy is the ability to separate yourself from those emotions when they arise. You don’t have to hand your power over to them. You can see them, acknowledge them, and then move on without giving in and being plunged down the emotional rollercoaster you’re so used to riding.
This allows you to live a life of peace. You don’t worry as much about what’s wrong with the world because you know you can’t do anything to change those situations.
You Understand the Only Thing You Can Control is How You React and Respond.
However, by changing how you react and respond, you will begin to see that those tiny changes are what can help change the world and make it a better place because you are no longer allowing yourself to be a part of the problem.
From there you can teach others within your sphere of influence how to begin to live life as an expression of joy, rather than an endless pursuit of happiness
The question then becomes, how do I shift from attempting to use my outer circumstances and situations to bring me happiness, to an internal expression of joy regardless of what’s going on in my life?
This part is easy. All you have to do is change your focus and mindset, and DECIDE that you want to make this a way of life because it’s more worthwhile to commit to this reality than to oscillate back and forth in your emotions.
The Hard Part Is, You Have to Do it Every Day.
Not only do you have to do it every day. You have to do it every hour of every day. In some cases, you’ll have to do it on a minute-by-minute basis because you’ll get so caught up in some story or drama you’re telling yourself that it’s going to take constant focus to keep you on track.
Difficulties aside, if you learn to do this and stick with it. Things do begin to change. I don’t care what level of life you might be on either. You might be at the bottom and just starting out, or you might be on level 99 and about to hit the top. Regardless, you can begin to improve your life today by taking control of it today.
For me and my story, this was one of the hardest parts about depression. Deciding to NOT live in it. Why was that so hard you might ask? I think it’s because I made friends with it over all those long years of dealing with it. Leaving a feeling I was so used to was hard because not feeling that way didn’t feel like me.
Depression was not me though, and it’s not you. Resentment is not you. Bitterness is not you. Unforgiveness is not you. Anger is not you. Loneliness is not you. Fear is not you. Failure is not you. Rejection is not you. Worthlessness is not you.
None of these lower-base emotions are you!
You are all that’s good and right in the world, the real you. The eternal you.
I don’t care what you might be going through right now, there is hope. There is love. There is peace. There is JOY!
It’s there for you. But guess what? Nobody is going to make you take it. Nobody is going to change your life. You have to be the one to do that. You have to be the one to stand up and say I’m going to make the change.
You Must Fight it Out Day After Day.
You do the things you NEED to do to go from where you are now to where you want to be.
I have to be real with you right now.
If you don’t do this for yourself, then you won’t experience the joy you want and deserve. You won’t experience the peace and freedom you deserve.
It’s so easy to put yourself on the sidelines because you know you! You can easily see someone that you know getting better because you can see the good in them. Most people have trouble seeing the good in themselves because they know all the deep, dark thoughts they think on a regular basis.
You are afraid of what Carl Jung called the Shadow Self. Or you’re afraid that you really are who people say you are. All the bullies and naysayers.
The Truth is, Every One of Us Can Change. The Question is, Do You Want to?
The other question is, will you do what it takes?
It’s words like these that eventually helped me get over 20+ years of depression and anxiety. The more you inundate yourself with material like this, whether through books, conversations, podcasts, etc. The sooner you can find keys to unlock the doors that have been holding you back.
Again, therapy can be another great way to work through issues you don’t want to deal with. Go interview therapists if you need to and find someone you click with. Someone who isn’t just going to immediately prescribe you something, unless absolutely necessary, but who will sit and listen and ask pertinent questions to help you think through some of the bottled-up issues you might have.
I honestly wish I would have learned all of this much earlier in life. I think things would have been very different for me in how I handled my thoughts and feelings.
Remember this…The sooner you start, the sooner you can find freedom. The sooner you find freedom, the sooner you find joy.
As always, be sure to share this with someone else. I hope it helps lead you down a road of peace and joy.
Much love to you all,
Josiah
