Who Do You Want to Become?

April 13, 2024
by Josiah Thibodeau

Here’s a great question for you, “Who do you want to become?”

We ask kids this question all the time, but at some point, that question ceases to be something we’re forced to answer on a regular basis. It gets lost in the cloud of adulthood and daily life. We grow up and think we have more important responsibilities to attend to than a question we ask school-age children.

However, this question should be one we take seriously, and regularly because we are constantly evolving and becoming something different than we were before.

The evolution of our thoughts and feelings happens whether we want it to or not. It may not represent itself in grandiose forms, but we are constantly changing our views on life, habits, and isms.

You had a certain perspective of the world that changed over time in each decade of your life. Some of those changes have come at once in a short period. Other times, those changes have been a slow process that takes place over the course of several years.

But I guarantee, you didn’t think the same thing in your 20’s that you did in your teens, and you didn’t keep all the same beliefs or ideologies from your 20’s while in your 30’s. Once the 40’s hit, you thought about life differently still, and on and on until we die…

The Truth of the Matter is, That We are Always Becoming Someone New.

You change your friends or social circle, then most likely your views about the world begin to change. Kids go to college, they come back a different person. You move out of state or out of the country, you upgrade your views on life.

Some of the changes may be drastic. Others may be subtle. But YOU are in a constant state of flux whether you recognize it or not. Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

So, why don’t we ask ourselves, “Who do I want to become?”

It’s an important question.

How do YOU want to be a better person? Do you want to love more? Give more? Be a better parent? Son or daughter? Friend? Take on a larger role in your community? Build a business? Start a project that you’ve always dreamed of? Get a dream job? Become a person of affluence in your social circle?

It doesn’t need to be for some major event. It doesn’t have to bring you accolades. It can be a simple upgrade for you. A stepping stone from your current self to a better version of yourself. It could also be you changing the world!

I saw a quote recently from Dr. Jordan Peterson that stated,

“Always place your becoming above your current being.”
Dr. Jordan Peterson

Why?

Who really cares if we do this or not?

I don’t think it’s necessarily about impressing anyone. The idea is more about not settling for who you are right now. And right now, you may be amazing. But how amazing are you really?

Regardless of who you are, I bet you could write an entire list of all the ways you fail at life. There are many changes or improvements that can be made; even if they are so minute others may not notice, you’ll notice and will be able to appreciate the work you’ve done, which in turn is something others will begin to notice.

I also think it’s a way to keep yourself from becoming stagnant. When you think about it,

Do You Want to be Stagnant or Flowing Water?

Refusing to change, or entertaining the thought of change means you are willing to become stagnant water. Stagnant water is the breeding ground for many dangerous diseases. Is that how you want to live your life?

Flowing water on the other hand doesn’t allow diseases and pathogens to grow and fester. It can be seen as the proverbial work in progress. A constant and refreshing renewal of energy over time.

Some people may confuse this sentiment with not living in the present moment. However, that argument falls short as the more you work on who you want to become, the more present you MUST be to make the minute adjustments needed.

If you’re unable to hold yourself in the present moment, there can be no true course correction. It would be like trying to steer the Titanic away from the iceberg at the last minute, and we all know how that went.

Being in the present moment means you are keeping a constant vigil on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which allows you to maneuver through life a little more effortlessly.

Doesn’t Being in the Present Moment Mean Letting Go?

It depends, what does the present moment hold for you? Are you in a place where you can let go? Every time you drive your car you are mostly in the present moment, does that mean you just let go?

A part of you yes, but for the most part, no. How about when you drive a friend’s car or a brand-new car? You’re probably way more in the present moment than with the vehicle you’ve been driving around the past few years. And how vigilant are you in that moment? Most likely you are extremely present and vigilant. Why wouldn’t this be the same for our personal lives as well?

If we can do this, then whenever challenges arise, you’re always ready for what may come. You’re aware that you’re angry before anger has a chance to explode. You’re in tune with the heartache before it has a chance to derail you.

You aren’t void of feeling.

You Learn to Take Control of How You Feel, Act, and Respond.

How does this not lead to a better version of yourself?

This can take time though. You have to learn how to maneuver through many small processes that will eventually add up to your desired outcome.

And when you get there. Rest in the glorious moment before moving on to the next stage of becoming who you want to become.

Ed Mylett talks about this extensively in his book, “The Power of One More”. He’s a big believer in eliciting change by doing one more than you planned. One more rep at the gym. One more sales call. One more paragraph or chapter. One more mile, one more I’m sorry, one more I forgive you, One more I forgive myself, One more day, One more hug…you never know when it will be your last.

This sentiment is what I believe the question of who you are becoming is all about.

The problem is we aren’t taught this philosophy or how and why we should adopt this mindset, which is a shame because there will always be events or situations in our lives requiring us to adapt and change for better or worse. So why not prepare ourselves so we can change for the better?

On the flip side. Once you begin to learn how to adopt this philosophy, you begin to understand that you no longer have to allow yourself to be the victim when untoward problems arise.

You may find that you are standing up for yourself more. You may realize that your circle of friends needs to change, so you begin to cut out individuals who don’t live up to the same standards as you.

Opportunities may begin to open up for you that were closed off to the previous rendition of yourself.

Something you’ll have to keep in mind though, is once you start making these changes, you’ll start to run into objections as to why you should keep going down this road. Either from yourself or others.

Don’t Talk Yourself Down

When it comes to you, the biggest obstacle you’re likely to run into is trying to talk yourself down. You’ll make excuses as to why you can’t or shouldn’t. It can take a lot of energy in the beginning, so you might decide you don’t have the mental fortitude to continuously keep yourself on track.

The dream may not be strong enough to hold you to task. After all, you’ve made it this far with your current thinking, what’s another few years until you’re forced to change?

You can easily find yourself falling back into old thinking patterns or programming, making you feel as though no progress has been made. However, one must be assured that just because you feel like you haven’t made progress, that’s not necessarily the case.

Think about this, if you begin working out to lose weight or gain muscle, you often don’t see results for quite some time. This doesn’t mean progress isn’t being made. It just means it’s not being made as quickly as you hoped. The progress is still there but it is more subtle than we would typically like to see.

Simon Sinek has a great monologue on this concept. He talks about the process of going to the gym and why people give up so quickly, and it’s because they can’t see the progress. They go for one day, come home, look in the mirror, and nothing’s changed.

They go back the next day, come home and nothing’s changed. You can do this over and over and over again and feel as if what you’re doing has no merit. It’s a worthless pursuit.

However, he says that one day, and we don’t know which day it is, but one day, you’ll come home, look in the mirror, and you’ll be able to see a slight change. It won’t be much, but you’ll notice a change is there.

The problem is that most people give up before they can see the change. Our society has been programmed to live with a quick-fix mindset. Fast food, streaming services, mobile phones with everything you could ever want in the palm of your hand. We don’t know how to live life playing the long game.

When it comes to others, it can be some of the closest people to you who are turned off by the new you.

You no longer fit their paradigm. They don’t understand the desire to grow or become better in their own lives. This is okay. You don’t have to try and make them understand. You know why you’re doing it.

These two obstacles, giving up on yourself or for someone else, is why most people don’t ask themselves the question, “Who do I want to become?”

It’s too hard.

Yes, I want to become something other than I am right now, but what if I never make it? The road is fraught with difficulties and suffering.

…so we give up before we even start.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can begin to change and grow today. You just need to change your mindset on how you’re going to get there.

Instead of trying to change your life within two weeks. Give yourself a year. Plan to work on one thing over the course of the next year. If you do this, you’ll find it won’t take the entire year to begin to see a change. All you really need is consistency.

Here are a Few Action Items You Can Use to Assist With the Process.

Remain conscious throughout the day of the thoughts you think.
Remain conscious throughout the day of how you feel.

Your Thoughts Influence Your Feelings and Your Feelings Influence Your Thoughts.

You have to pay attention to them and recognize when you’re stuck in a thinking and feeling loop.

This thinking and feeling loop is what can really trap people and keep them from moving forward because they FEEL like the same person they’ve always been, so they keep thinking the same thoughts they’ve always thought. So in the end they think, “Why keep trying?”

The goal is to shut those thoughts down and don’t give them room to play in your mind. Just keep moving forward and stay focused on your desired outcome.

Doing this is something that helped me overcome depression and anxiety. I was on constant vigil for thoughts or feelings that triggered me into a state of depression.

I started getting so in tune with it that I could feel the depression creeping in. It was like a wave of dark energy that moved up my neck, into the back of my head, and over the top of my skull.

For me, this trigger began to kick my mind into fight mode. I became extremely alert about how the rest of my body was feeling. Was my chest tight, breathing shallow, hands shaky, high or low energy? I also became extremely alert about what I was thinking and where my thoughts were leading me.

There were times when I had to step out of a room so I could just stare at nothing, breathe, and pull myself together. In those moments I would give myself a pep talk. I’d tell myself that I’m not going to allow myself to give in and go down that road.

I spent a lot of time doing this. Especially towards the end before the depression lifted. 20+ years of hell kicked out of my life because I decided I wanted to become a better person!

Because I decided I wanted to be a better man. A better father. Someone who could one day inspire others to conquer their own demons. Someone who could say to someone else, if I can do it, you can too!