Learning to live as an expression of joy may be the light that leads us out of the darkness of depression, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, pride, etc…The question is, can we overcome the negative emotional turmoil lurking in the deepest, darkest recesses of our minds by exuding joy rather than pursuing happiness? In this article, I discuss how I’ve used this concept and how it’s changed me for the better.
Life is strange…
I’ve been saying this a lot lately, to my friends, to strangers, and on a more regular basis, to myself. Down in the deep, dark crevasses of my psyche, and now, to you too.
Experiencing the process of aging, overcoming severe depression, and discovering additional emotional challenges beneath the surface, along with various realizations and revelations along the journey, has collectively shaped my newfound mantra.
But there was something else that jolted some of this process within me. It was a podcast I watched/listened to by Lewis Howes, School of Greatness. His guest was Sadhguru, and as they discussed various topics, Sadhguru asked a question. As soon as he asked this question, I paused the video, found a pen, went back a few seconds, and wrote it down.
To this day it’s one of my favorite quotes. I’m not sure if it’s because I can relate to it so much because of the depression and anxiety I struggled through, or if it hit me because of knowing how many people suffer in their day-to-day existence…without needing to.
Either way, it had a tremendous impact on me as it’s been close to two years now since I originally listened to that episode, and I think about the quote almost every day.
The question he asked was this, which was so simple yet so profound:
“Is your life in the pursuit of happiness or is it an expression of joy?”
Sadhguru
This may not have much meaning to you, but let me try to unpack the meaning it had for me.
For most of us, if not all of us, our lives have been filled with this idea of an American dream. Initially, it was about freedom. Living life on your terms and finding peace and happiness along the way.
These days, it may mean different things to different people, yet ultimately, it’s the trap of excess materialism and always needing or wanting more, which isn’t new. It’s something that humans have always dealt with.
Regardless, the American dream has literally been the pursuit of happiness. They made a movie with that slogan as the title: “The Pursuit of Happiness” starring Will Smith. A great movie that shows how someone can go from nothing to wealth.
Yet, I believe this idea is what has caused so much destruction in our world. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s resulted in the desire for excess and an overstimulated desire for greed beyond measure.
A great meme I saw the other day relays this idea perfectly. It said, “My friend got a tattoo that said, “Comparison is the thief of joy” and I’m really debating getting the same tattoo on my arm but a little bit bigger”…
And this is where the issue lies. It isn’t that we merely want a better life for ourselves and our families, it’s that we are constantly comparing ourselves to the perceived happiness we see in others because they have something we do not.
They have a better relationship, a nicer car, a better job, live in a nicer neighborhood, and on and on the list goes…and because of this comparison, the feeling as if we have less or are less, we create a story in our mind that we constantly need to pursue happiness, even if we don’t understand that’s what we’re doing.
However, as Sadhguru asked, do you want to pursue happiness throughout your life, or would you rather live your life as an expression of joy? Insomuch that regardless of what happens, no matter the ups and downs of life, you are on an even keel because the joy you express is something you’ve cultivated within yourself.
It doesn’t come from outside stimuli. It’s not something you have to earn or work for in the normal sense, it’s something you learn to develop over time. Instead of putting your effort into finding the next thing to make you “HAPPY.”
You take the time and effort to create JOY within you.
When you do this, all the other things begin to fall away. The pursuit doesn’t seem as necessary as it once did.
This doesn’t mean you give up on everything, kick back and go sunning naked in your backyard…please don’t do that…Well, you can if you want, your neighbors might complain though.
It means you don’t rely on the next big thing in life to make you happy.
You don’t rely on that big vacation to make you happy.
You don’t rely on a new house or car to make you happy.
You don’t rely on relationships to make you happy.
You are happy, simply because you are.
This is joy.
You begin to understand that you could have lived this way your entire life, had you just known that joy was available to you at any moment, because it truly comes from within.
Another way to look at this is how long have you retained your happiness after a big event came to pass that you hoped or planned for? How long were you happy after your wedding? How long were you happy after getting the new car, or house, or tv, or promotion, or acceptance to the team or league, or winning the lottery? How long?
Unless you had learned to cultivate the joy within, it probably didn’t last as long as you thought it would.
Why is that?
It’s because we aren’t wired to find happiness or joy in “stuff”.
Dr. Zach Bush relayed this sentiment in a tear-wrenching podcast with Deja Blu. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I’m not sure if it’s because they were talking about death, which triggered feelings around how I had lost my father a few years before, but he did discuss what people dying of long-term illnesses reminisced on the most…you know what it was?
LOVING RELATIONSHIPS
Wishing they had taken more time to spend life with the people they loved.
NATURE
Reliving moments when they were in nature and feeling the peace it brought to them in that moment. The trees, the grass, the mountains, the wildlife…
He said he’s sat with HUNDREDS of dying people, yet none of them reflected on their “stuff”…
Because in those last few months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds…stuff didn’t matter.
Their cars didn’t matter. Neither did their houses nor how much money they made. All the business pursuits didn’t matter.
But you know what did?
Their people mattered. Family. Friends. Beautiful children and grandchildren that they got to hold and love. Pets they cherished and made a part of their family. Their favorite walk in the park or mountain trail.
I think the reason why is because that is when they felt the happiest. That’s when they had the most peace. That’s when joy blossomed in their hearts.
For most of us, the problem is that we allow our perceived idea of what happiness is, based on our societal and cultural structures, to dictate the amount of joy we allow in our lives.
So, how do we escape the pursuit of happiness conundrum and instead live life as an expression of joy?
First…Here are a couple of things to ponder:
- Sometimes you have to admit things you don’t want to. If you are rushing from one dopamine hit to the next, are you truly happy? If not, admit it to yourself. Nothing wrong with vacations and getting new things, but are you using those as Band-Aids to cover what seems to be lacking in your life? If so, be honest with yourself.
- Making this change isn’t instantaneous. It’s not an overnight turnaround where all of a sudden, your life has magically changed. It takes time, practice, and dedication. You have to be in it for the long haul.
- Luckily, if you need to, or want to, learn how to cultivate joy instead of being stuck in the pursuit of happiness, there are things you can do.
Learning to cultivate joy
- Do hard things (Cold Showers, work out, push yourself beyond what you think you’re capable of)
- Deal with your emotions (Therapy and other avenues)
- Cut out/down on things you don’t need (TV, Doom Scrolling on Social apps, etc.)
- Read more
- Stop complaining or allowing yourself to fixate on negative thoughts
- Meditate
- …and so much more!
For now, I’m going to focus on meditation.
Meditation
A big piece of the puzzle for me has been mediation. Especially now. It’s been six months of regular meditation every day. When I felt like I didn’t have time, I did at least 10 minutes before bed just to get it in, but I’m generally doing 30+ minutes every day.
Before this, it was fairly consistent, and something I would use with breathwork to help regulate my body and mind, but it wasn’t every day, maybe a few times a week. However, the more I do it, the better I feel overall.
Why?
Meditation does a few things…well, it does more but I’ll keep it to the following for now:
- You learn to be still and quiet within yourself
- You learn how to unplug from the external environment
- You learn how to focus and to become comfortable with silence
Becoming Aware
Meditation can lead to a place where you become hyper-aware of how you feel.
- Many times, I realize I’m stuck in a certain thinking pattern by how I feel in my body.
- Becoming aware of how I feel in my body can signal my mind to think differently. Like a pattern interrupt.
- Once I learned how to become silent and still within myself, which to be honest, is still a work in progress, I was able to capture those thoughts I didn’t want to be thinking and replace them with thoughts I did want to think.
- It’s allowed me to feel and focus on the emotions I do want to have coursing through my being.
- I can sit in meditation and focus on feeling joyful, grateful, peaceful, and loving.
- When you get in the flow of feeling this way it’s amazing. You just sit there in an ecstatic state and 10 to 20 minutes will go by like snapping your fingers.
- Learning how to cultivate these feelings has allowed me to notice when I’m off. I can catch myself much quicker when I fall out of alignment and into negative thoughts or feelings.
This thinking and feeling pattern is something I’ll talk about more in the future, but for now, we’ll relegate this idea to the feeling of joy.
Am I an expression of joy, or am I an expression of something else? If something else, how do I get back to joy? Meditation can help.
Now, I will say, meditation was not the only tool I’ve used to overcome depression in my life. I tried a whole host of things, some of which I still do, but they are done as more of a physical/mental challenge, such as a cold shower as I mentioned above.
Throughout my future newsletters, I will discuss some of the other ways I was able to overcome depression and anxiety. I believe these steps and concepts can be beneficial for anyone struggling with any sort of “Negative” emotions they can’t seem to break free from (Worry, fear, bitterness, anger, resentment, etc.), or to just improve your quality of life.
So, please be on the lookout for upcoming excerpts to hopefully motivate you into a more fulfilling life.
If you found this newsletter helpful, insightful, inspiring, useful, [insert other appropriate adjectives here], please share.
My goal is to help as many people find peace and joy as possible.
Much love to you all,
Josiah Thibodeau
