Suffering is inevitable. It’s an inescapable part of the human experience dealt to anyone who has ever walked this planet. From the moment you emerge from the womb, you are met with challenges, some small and others seemingly insurmountable. However, what many forget, or maybe a better way to phrase it, is what many don’t understand is that within each hardship you endure, there lies an opportunity for growth. Finding meaning in pain, therefore, is directly correlated to how much suffering you can embrace.
To be clear, this isn’t necessarily about you going out and looking for suffering, although there are things you can do to help develop a tougher mindset to help endure whatever suffering might come your way. Instead, this is more about what suffering is and how to deal with it, how to find meaning in pain as opposed to being washed away with it.
The Nature of Suffering: A Universal Bond
Regardless of your nationality, ethnicity, IQ, wealth, social status, or location, suffering will reach out and touch every life at various stages along the way. There’s no way around this. If you’re reading this, it’s probably fair to say you’ve already experienced a fair amount of suffering in your life. Some of it manageable, but other aspects of it might have left you face down in the mud with tears streaming down your face, wondering, “Why me?”
Whether the loss of a loved one, physical illness, emotional heartbreak, or maybe it’s the overwhelmingly existential ache of wondering what your purpose is in life.
Understanding that suffering exists in multiple forms simply means we’re all touched by it. It is one of the things that unites us, an overarching thread in the human story.
For countless millennia, philosophers and spiritual traditions from across the world have attempted to explain or grapple with suffering’s role in our lives.
The Stoics considered suffering as inevitable, a test used to strengthen character and make one stronger. Buddhism regards suffering as central to existence and, if understood, offers a path to liberation or enlightenment. Freidrich Nietzsche declared:
“To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
The Christian Apostles viewed suffering as an inevitable consequence of life as well. The Apostle James wrote in James 1:2-4:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials (suffering) of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
– James 1:2-4
The Apostle Paul exhorted you to glory in your suffering because it produces perseverance, which produces character, which produces hope.
Finding Meaning in the Pain
This is why finding meaning in the pain is so important. Many people, including myself, struggle to do so. There have been many times when I feel like I’m banging my head against a rock wall, screaming, “WHY?!” as I pull my hair out in clumps, attempting to make sense of my situation. Okay, it may not be that bad physically, but internally and emotionally, it feels like it.
However, as I continue to endure suffering and embrace it, seeking meaning in the pain, I begin to develop the character and perseverance needed to carry on. Not only that but as I do so, I start to realize how much we all suffer—not just me but the whole of humanity.
Each time suffering presents itself, you have the opportunity to understand its universality, which will hopefully help you to see its purpose: not as a punishment but as a teacher.
You come to understand that it forces you to confront your vulnerabilities and insecurities and pushes you to grow or stretch yourself beyond your limits. As you do so, it transforms you into a more profound, more resilient human being.
Although the experience may be painful physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, the ideal way to overcome it is to consider it a catalyst for growth.
The Psychology of Pain and Growth
Typically, when discomfort manifests, one’s initial reaction is to resist it. The inclination is to disengage swiftly while alleviating the degree of pain encountered.
This isn’t because you don’t have the inborn mechanism to withstand or overcome the pain; it’s simply because it’s so uncomfortable, and if you can minimize it in any way, then why wouldn’t you?
Distracting yourself from the discomfort, hoping it will pass unnoticed, is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound, hoping it will staunch the bleeding. In some instances, you may have a collection of band-aids covering whatever gaping wound you’re experiencing so that you don’t have to deal with the pain. But consider this: however bad that image looks in your mind, it is the reality you experience when suffering through a situation and refusing to deal with it.
What you have to come to grips with is the idea that facing your pain head-on is what allows you to emerge stronger and more self-aware than if you keep hiding or running away from it.
Finding meaning in pain is like dressing a wound appropriately. It allows you to experience healing and move forward in life.
Yes, you may have a few scars afterward, but would you rather heal and move on or allow that wound to fester and rot, which only causes further complications?
When you learn to overcome suffering, you often appreciate life and your relationships more deeply and develop a stronger sense of personal strength that can help you through subsequent hard times.
Despite all of this, you may ask what is the meaning of suffering and why we have to endure it.
Finding Meaning in Suffering
I don’t believe there is a true meaning for our suffering. Personally, I don’t believe there’s a benevolent or malevolent force out there forcing suffering down all our throats for the fun of it, like some cosmic conspiracy we’ll never understand, in a forced attempt to teach us a lesson.
In spite of this, I do believe there are benevolent and malevolent forces at work within humanity and on a higher plane as well, although I can’t speak to how or what that actually looks like. Suffice it to say that much of the suffering you endure is simply because you live in an unpredictable world. When a hurricane blows through or an earthquake sets you trembling, what power do you have to object?
Instead, you’re left to the whims of nature and to deal with the aftermath the best you can. In the same sense, humanity is full of individuals, both good and bad, righteous and evil. Humans are almost as unpredictable as bad weather. On the one hand, evil always causes suffering on some level; on the other hand, good people make mistakes and can cause suffering unintentionally.
Finding meaning in pain and suffering is simply choosing to look for the best in what seems to be the worst. Viktor Frankl said:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
This is where we find meaning, not in seeking out suffering or glorifying pain but in reframing the narrative and allowing ourselves to learn from the situation. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” you reframe the question to, “What can I learn from this?”. It’s the pain that can lead you to a deeper purpose.
Pain tends to strip away the illusory component of life, forcing us to confront the vulnerabilities and insecurities within ourselves.
Finding Meaning for Myself in Suffering
While I watched my father waste away from cancer, I chose not to suffer through the agony of knowing he was experiencing some of his last and often painful moments, as well as understanding that our physical bond would soon be broken.
Instead, I decided to take a step back and consider the complexity of life, to sift through the clouded moments of heartache and pain in search of joy to remember my father for who he was while embracing the limited time I had left with him.
There’s a certain existential experience you have when you come to grips that one day, you, too, will die. Your name will be forgotten, and life will continue to move on without you, so enjoy life while you can.
It was this idea I held onto while unknowingly holding my father for the last time, listening to him say, “I love you” through a broken, tear-filled whisper of farewell that I’m sure he knew was coming and, in hindsight, I did too as it felt like the strongest goodbye I’ve ever felt contained in eerie silence; yet at the time, I couldn’t perceive the moment for what it was.
If I had had more experience with this type of situation, I would have known, and I would have stayed with him over those next two days to help him see off into that dark night. Yet I didn’t, so I didn’t.
The call I received from my mother to let me know he had passed was quiet in and of itself but not unexpected. I had braced myself for this moment, or rather, I had embraced the suffering of the moment through quiet contemplation within myself for several months leading up to his passing.
The entire experience, from his passing to the here and now of this moment as I sit here and write, has given me ample opportunity to learn, transform, and grow. Which is ultimately what life is all about.
Transforming Suffering Into Growth
Transforming suffering into growth may seem counterintuitive, but it begins to make sense when you’re on a journey to find meaning in pain. You realize that, through suffering or dealing with adversity, you have a strength within you that you were unaware of before.
You find resilience within, a self-awareness of how powerful you are. This is why past societies and cultures would force their young men to endure a rite of passage that involved physical and potentially mental suffering. It forced them to realize the strength within and, in many instances, how precarious life is.
Many individuals have gone through difficult situations and turned those moments of personal hardship into purpose. They find a way to direct that experience into something meaningful that benefits others.
The transformation doesn’t mean you no longer experience the pain, but it can help guide you in how you deal with it. Over time, we find ways to work beyond the suffering, and what might seem purely destructive can end up fostering a source of great creativity.
Transformation isn’t merely about changing, like some magic trick, and poof, you’ve suddenly transformed. The process can take time and often requires a great deal of embracing vulnerability. It’s accepting your pain and potentially sharing it with others.
Our society doesn’t necessarily foster a sympathetic view of vulnerability and often confuses it with weakness, but the truth is vulnerability is the fertile soil from which strength grows.
When you can be vulnerable within yourself or with someone else, it can open the doors needed to find healing and transformation. Often, it shows you that life isn’t what you thought it was and that truly living requires the ability to endure suffering because without it, how do you know joy and peace, or even love?
The Duality of Suffering and Joy
It’s a strange place to find yourself when you start to appreciate all the difficult things you’ve had to endure in life as you realize how those situations ultimately show you the more profound meaning of things like joy, peace, and love.
After all, how can you have joy without suffering? How can you experience the true essence of peace if you’ve never had to deal with extremely stressful situations? What is love without experiencing the visceral reaction of hate?
I’m not saying you can’t experience these higher elevated emotions absent of the lower ones. Still, you begin to appreciate them more when going through the fire of suffering, whatever that may look like.
The same idea is involved when we contrast light with dark. You can’t truly have one without the other and know what it is unless you’ve experienced the opposite. Yes, you could live in eternal light, but it doesn’t mean you know what light actually is because you’ve never had the chance to experience darkness to contrast the light and vice versa.
It doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate what you see in the light, but how much more do you appreciate what you can see when you’ve been subjected to darkness for an extended period?
This is such a profound sensation, yet many don’t grasp the reality of the situation because they haven’t truly experienced the darkness. In contrast, maybe you feel like the darkness is all you’ve ever known, so you don’t know any better. You’ve been so long in the dark you’ve forgotten what light is. Do not fear; there’s always a way back to the light.
I remember watching a documentary created by Aubrey Marcus a few years ago about him going on a darkness retreat. He spent seven days in total darkness, most of which he spent alone in a room without any connection to the outside world other than a knock at the door to tell him somebody had delivered food.
When the retreat was over, he left the room to stand outside in the sun, slowly allowing his eyes to adjust. As his vision returned and he could see without shielding his eyes, he broke down in tears simply because he could see and was able to experience the light.
How profound was the ability to see and experience light in that moment? It was probably one of the most profound of his life. Yet, how would he have known the beauty of the light without experiencing total darkness for the timeframe he did?
Just because you might be dealing with something difficult and going through suffering of some sort, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road or that your life is over and you’ll never experience peace, joy, or love again. But when you experience it again, be sure to savor every moment.
To help you achieve this, you can actively work on ways to overcome any suffering you may be experiencing.
Practical Strategies for Finding Meaning in Pain
Philosophical insights can be valuable in helping you understand certain aspects of humanity, but sometimes, you need practical tools to help you navigate the landscape you find yourself in. As such, here are a few things you can do to help deal with your situation:
- Reframe the Narrative
- Many times, we live in a place of victimhood instead of empowerment. Instead of asking, “Why me?” reframe the narrative to “What can I learn from this?”
- We’re not attempting to merely dismiss the pain or suffering and pretend it doesn’t exist, but rather find a purpose for growth and transformation.
- Practice Mindfulness
- Allow yourself to be present with your emotions. We often try to run or hide from the experience and our emotions because they feel overwhelming. This doesn’t mean ruminating on your situation in a dark way but don’t hide from your feelings.
- Try meditating, journaling, or speaking to someone about your feelings. When you can objectively observe your thoughts and feelings, you can often gain clarity about the situation.
- Seek Community
- One of the biggest mistakes you can make is thinking that you’re alone and nobody has ever experienced what you’re going through. Sharing your struggles with close friends and family, or even support groups or a therapist or counselor, can go a long way toward understanding that you’re not going through this alone and that there are others out there dealing with the same or similar issues.
- Create Through the Pain
- Use creativity to help channel the pain. Put it to good use by creating, writing, painting, making music, or expressing yourself in various ways. Doing so can create a cathartic experience that will help you through the tough times.
- Focus on Small Wins
- With each step you take, you will find small wins along the way. Look for them. Find them. When you find a win, celebrate the victory, no matter how small or minute it might seem. Eventually, those small wins will stack up and give you the confidence needed to continue on.
The Beauty of a Hard Path
Remember, you aren’t romanticizing about suffering. You aren’t pretending that it’s not a big deal and acting like it doesn’t matter. Instead, you’re facing it head-on without allowing it to bowl you over or letting it control you and dictate your life.
Pain may shape you, but not by breaking you; rather, it forces you to grow beyond what you thought possible for yourself. Whenever you face hardship, you have to realize that it carries the potential to transform you into someone wiser and more compassionate, someone capable of handling any difficulties life may throw your way.
If you’re in a place right now where you’re facing pain, I want to remind you of this: it’s not the end of your story. Take time to reflect on what’s happening and see if you can find the beauty within the ashes. When a wildfire burns through a forest, it doesn’t mean nothing ever grows there again. It may take time, but eventually, new growth is everywhere.
The blackened earth begins to turn green again. Trees begin to sprout next to the charred remains of the old forest as the new ones grow to take their place, and in time, you can’t tell how old the forest is and whether it’s endured any form of catastrophe because it looks beautiful and untouched. Yet, if you could speak to the forest, it would tell you of a time when it was devastated by fire and wondered if it would ever be beautiful again.
You don’t have to let the pain define you. It may be difficult at the moment, but if you can understand that there’s light at the end of the tunnel and you have what it takes to push through, you can come out on the other side stronger and wiser than you were before.
If you found this article insightful or useful, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter for additional tools, insights, and stories to guide you toward growth and fulfillment. Together, we can continue to transform pain into purpose and uncover the profound meaning hidden within life’s challenges.
Josiah
