Let’s face it: life is in a constant state of flux, flying by at the speed of light. It may seem as if your life has been slowly dragging by, but in reality, you’re the smallest, most imperceivable wink of existence when stacked against our notion of time. It is not even the flutter of an eye, more like that twitch or spasm that briefly fluctuates during allergy season; it’s there one nanosecond and then gone the next. Leaving you wondering if you have really experienced a spasm or not. Yet, even with that perspective, you still struggle with seemingly unavoidable problems. This is why today we will discuss how to avoid 99% of problems life throws your way.
To begin, you need to challenge yourself on what you consider to be problems.
The Illusion of Problems
When discussing this topic, it must be stated that the world has many problems. There are very complex issues that need to be addressed, some of which humanity has been working on for millennia. So, this article isn’t to say problems don’t exist, but instead of looking at problems on the macro level as a whole, I want you to focus on the micro, meaning the ones affecting you.
Why?
Because as Leo Tolstoy said,
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
– Leo Tolstoy
Mahatma Gandhi also stated,
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
To fix the overarching macro problems we face as human beings, we first need to face our own individual “micro” problems that only serve to hold us back from experiencing a version of ourselves that can confidently and boldly move forward to change the world.
As such, when it comes to your problems, most of them really are illusions. Most of life’s problems aren’t problems at all—they’re perceptions.
Most of the problems you face are self-created using various techniques optimized by human beings around the planet.
They occur through the propagation of a negative mindset, how you react toward a situation, and holding onto expectations.
This doesn’t mean, as mentioned earlier, you won’t experience challenges.
Real Challenges Vs. Avoidable Struggles
An example of a real challenge was when I lost my father to cancer. Watching him fade away was a difficult thing to do, and I miss him very much. However, during his time dealing with cancer, I was going through a healing process of my own, and when his time came, thankfully, I was able to handle the situation with equanimity.
On the other hand, I had many arguments during my marriage that were completely avoidable if I had been wise enough to understand when and how to let go. Instead, I cultivated my perceived problem of the situation until it actually became a problem.
It’s this latter aspect that usually gets you into trouble…not the fact that you’re arguing with your spouse or significant other, but rather the idea that you are turning minor issues into larger ones.
What Causes Most Problems?
Most problems result from emotional reactions, not external realities. How you deal with the situation internally can either churn that issue into something bigger or grind it into dust.
Fear plays a huge part in how you associate yourself with the situations you face in life. It’s the fear of failure or of missing out and constantly comparing yourself to others to see if you stack up. Fear of not being enough, doing enough, having enough, or not being accepted.
Feeling as if people are talking behind your back, don’t think you have what it takes, or could never live up to their standards.
There are many assumptions you make about life, the way others see or think about you, and why you don’t necessarily fit in when you think you should. You assume others are holding you back, or the situation isn’t quite right, and the circumstances don’t fall in your favor.
Maybe there’s resistance coming from you instead in the form of limiting beliefs. Resistance to believing you have what it takes, that you’re smart enough, good enough, tall enough, short enough, thin enough, big enough, whatever! You believe you’re not the smartest person, so you can’t possibly achieve that goal you have for life.
You don’t have the connections, the energy, the discipline, etc. etc.
The truth is, fear, assumptions, and resistance only do one thing: They create suffering in your life, which translates into seemingly insurmountable problems.
Three Root Causes of Self-Inflicted Problems
- Attachment to Control: Trying to force outcomes, clinging to expectations, or attempting to manipulate others to do what you want.
- Emotional Reactivity: Letting fear, anger, or anxiety dictate your actions.
- Lack of Perspective: Short-term thinking and over-identifying with problems. It’s a myopic point of view that keeps you cycling through complex intricacies even though they are incredibly trivial matters.
Now that you understand where most of your problems come from, you should be ready to learn how to avoid 99% of problems thrown your way.
The Framework to Avoid 99% of Problems
One of my most significant aha moments in life was fully accepting the idea that “I am the problem!”
It wasn’t until then that my life began to change. I went from full-blown depression and anxiety to a life of peace and joy. This doesn’t mean there aren’t hard days or difficult things to work through. However, these days, the majority of my thinking takes a step back to focus the lens on myself and ask how I might be the problem in the situation instead of the situation being the problem.
This took a lot of work to get to.
It’s not comfortable to make yourself take responsibility like this when it’s so much easier to complain, point fingers, and blame anything and everything around you. BUT! You can begin to reshape your life if you decide to take radical responsibility for yourself, even if it seems like the issue is “out there” as opposed to within you.
Step 1: Question Your Perception
Ask yourself this question: Is this a real problem?
Initially, it may seem like a real problem. Again, in my marriage, I felt as if there were many ‘problems’ that needed to be addressed. In hindsight, the only issue was me. It was my perception of the situation. This doesn’t mean my wife didn’t have her flaws, but many of our disagreements could have gone much more smoothly if I hadn’t been so pig-headed about it in the first place.
The problem was that I didn’t stop myself in the moment and view what was happening from a third-person perspective. I reacted. I didn’t take the time to separate myself from the situation and objectively examine why I felt the way I did. What I should have done is what Viktor Frankl said,
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
– Viktor Frankl
Instead of understanding or recognizing that space, I typically just responded.
I would like to add to the end of this quote. I believe it’s implied, but I want to ensure you don’t miss it.
Not only does your growth and happiness lie in your response, but so does your frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, and overall dissatisfaction in life or whatever situation you’re dealing with.
Another thing you can do is follow the 5-Year Rule, which states, “Will this matter in five years?”
In some instances, five years may even be too long. Sometimes, all you need to ask is if this will matter tomorrow. Just being honest. Some of you know what I’m talking about…
Step 2: Detach from Outcomes
Learn to accept what you can’t control. Many people struggle because they lack a sense of control. This is why you deal with whatever vice you deal with. The underlying idea is that you are in control, even if you are out of control. It’s a perceived sense of control that helps orient you within the world.
Detaching also means releasing rigid expectations regardless of what they are. You can easily fixate on how you would like a specific outcome to occur, but doing so creates micro-problems when those situations don’t go how you want. The more you do this, the more micro-problems you have, and the more micro-problems you have, the more macro they seem.
Soon, your life seems to be cluttered with problems about this or that, and you can’t understand why this is happening to you.
This is why meditation can be so impactful. You can’t control your thoughts, but you can learn how to let them go.
Step 3: Master Your Response
Train yourself to pause before reacting emotionally.
This can be difficult, especially if you’re used to jumping in with your physical, verbal, or mental reactions.
You can often find yourself so immersed in the situation that the response seems to flow out of you without thought, but that’s the point behind this step, isn’t it?
As you saw in the Viktor Frankl quote earlier, you need to teach yourself how to place thought before your response. You know what? I’ll put it here again for reference.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
– Viktor Frankl
There are many instances where you might feel like there is no space. Everything is happening now, and you need to respond now!
The truth is, life can move extremely fast, but this doesn’t mean you can’t take a breath before responding. Sometimes, it’s walking away or politely excusing yourself for a moment. Maybe it’s taking a 15-minute walk and forcing yourself out of the situation so calmer minds can prevail.
Here’s a simple way to pull yourself out of the situation. Close your eyes and set the issue on a table before you. All your thoughts and feelings about the problem as well. Then, sit there and observe them outside of yourself. Listen to your body and notice how you feel. Be objective about it.
Don’t allow the problem to control you; instead, slow yourself down to view the problem and seek to understand what’s happening in the situation.
Most of the problems you face are not life and death. Many don’t even need a response. Think about that person who cut you off in traffic.
It’s annoying, for sure!
But is it worth ruining your day?
No.
So let it go and move on instead.
Step 4: Focus on What You Can Control
I’m laughing now because I just had a ‘problem’ that I grunted about. It took three tries to capitalize the word “Can” in the above heading…see! Something as simple as attempting to capitalize a letter using a keyboard can seem like a huge problem when you keep trying, and your little fingers can’t seem to hit the keys when or as they’re supposed to.
So what did I do? Focused on what I can control, my fingers!!!
Focusing on what you can control means redirecting your energy to productive solutions and NOT worrying!
Stop worrying!
I used to worry constantly, and it was the bane of my existence. Worrying does nothing for you.
Jesus even mentions this in Matthew 6:34
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”
– Matthew 6:34
He’s talking about being present and staying in the present moment because there’s nothing to worry about when you’re in the present moment. Worrying comes from projecting yourself into potential future scenarios that may or may not happen.
Instead of worrying, build habits of resilience and adaptability. Do things that push you out of your comfort zone. When you do this, you can control those situations, but it also develops a mental toughness and reveals that not all problems are necessarily problems.
You’ll soon find that what used to cause a lot of consternation is a colossal waste of time.
Freedom from Unnecessary Problems
You’ll never be problem-free until you start working to free yourself from your problems. Everybody struggles and experiences difficulties, but not everybody considers those struggles or difficulties problems.
They’re merely obstacles to overcome or so miniscule in the grand scheme of things that they’re not worth bothering about.
Remember that you can avoid 99% of problems by shifting your perspective, detaching from control, and learning to master your reactions.
This can take a lot of work, but I promise it is worth it.
Your peace is your responsibility.
No one else.
The more you work on finding peace for yourself, the sooner you can bring peace to the world. When it’s all said and done, it’s up to each of us to learn to develop ourselves into a greater version of ourselves. Without it, we cannot change the world.
If you continue to wait for your spouse or significant other to change, you’re already too late. If you’re waiting on your family, friends, kids, co-workers, teachers, business leaders, politicians, athletes, entertainers, and whoever else might be out there to change, then you’re too late.
True change only happens when you begin to change yourself; otherwise, you’re left to the whims of others and are just going along for a ride.
Your goal should be to experience peace, joy, and love regardless of what’s happening around you.
I encourage you to take some time this week to step back from what you view as a problem in your life and examine it objectively. Instead of rushing in, consider what’s actually happening, not only within the situation itself but also within you.
See how this begins to inform you of other situations you might be dealing with so that you can find a resolution without a bunch of consternation.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please share it with your friends and family.
Until next time!
Josiah
If you would like to join me for my FREE Mental Self-Mastery web class, you can click HERE to register for the online event.
