If you could grasp, even for a moment, that life is the gift you’ve been missing, everything would change. As Søren Kierkegaard stated:
“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
– Søren Kierkegaard
Too many times, you can find yourself trying to solve life and attempting to bend it to your will. You try to “fix” it because your perception of how life should go doesn’t match your experience.
The issue, however, isn’t that the experience is wrong; it’s that you don’t understand how to orient yourself in a world that doesn’t pander to your mental and emotional needs or desires. The struggle and pain you feel as you meander through life don’t only stem from the events themselves; they’re built up in the mind and shaped by how your mind continues to frame them.
Do people suffer? Yes! Emphatically, yes! In immense proportions. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about some of the recent stories I’ve heard regarding the plight of the innocent and their suffering.
However, this doesn’t mean they are condemned to a life of suffering and pain or that they forfeit anything beautiful because of their tragedy. On the contrary, the pain they’ve experienced could be used as a refining process to bring them to the full, ecstatic beauty of life itself. But this liberation is a choice.
These individuals must choose between a life of suffering and misery, constantly reliving the experience or experiences countless times, or to embrace the fullness of life, tragedy and all, to live a life full of peace and joy.
You must make this decision for yourself as well.
The Problem of Missing the Gift
One of the biggest mistakes people make as they wrestle through life is thinking that life starts once they “figure it all out.”
The fallacy with this thinking is that, for you, life started the moment the spark of consciousness entered your being. Life has been happening to you, for you, and around you for as long as you’ve been alive.
The uncomfortable truth is that for the majority of that time, for however long you’ve been living, you’ve been unavailable to the experience.
Hurtful words, broken promises, and shattered dreams all take their toll, and as a result, you close yourself off as a form of protection. However, as you do so, you limit your ability to perceive the goodness life has to offer. Instead of seeking peace and beauty, joy and love, you cower in self-preservation to avoid the discomfort of pain.
This discomfort, this pain and suffering, draws you into the trap of thinking life is something to be fixed as you believe it’s inherently bad, brutal, evil, meaningless, a mistake to be endured or escaped, a cosmic punishment for past lives not lived well, traumatizing by default, or a burden to bear. Which of these pills have you chosen to swallow?
We’ve all swallowed one. The question then becomes, “Do you want to continue living within this vein of thinking?” You can. Most people do.
Or
You can embrace the change needed to shift your mindset from life is tragic to life is the gift you’ve been missing.
Life is the Gift, Not the Guarantee
No one is guaranteed tomorrow. You are not guaranteed your next breath or the blink of an eye. You could slip into the great unknown at any moment—the world beyond your waking and sleeping dreams.
Don’t take this thought lightly. Most people don’t consider their mortality until it’s too late. By the time their hand is on death’s door, they’re staring back in disbelief, wondering where the time went, all the while complaining in their hearts, I didn’t get to live the life I wanted to live.
Death is always near. He’s constantly waiting for the silent countdown timer over your life to expire before releasing his scythe to collect your soul.
You don’t know when the timer will end, but death sees it. He’s watching it from the time you’re born until your last breath, and there is no doubt that he is the second highest-performing employee that has ever been or will be. He always meets his quota.
You will not escape.
Knowing this, why do you strive and rail against life? Why do you continue to carry your guilt and shame, your burdens and suffering? Why do you prolong your experience of suffering and delay your ability to enjoy the short time you have left here on this earth?
Life will not continue forever. At some point, you will die. Why allow yourself to let the extravagant beauty of life slip by because you refuse to release the wounds of the past and worries of the future?
Your time is very short. Do not wait until the end to try to eke out a semblance of joy for yourself—a semblance of peace or love. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
The Promise of Tomorrow is a Fool’s Promise
The promise of tomorrow is ephemeral. Vapors. A blowing of the wind. Better to have lived today as if there were no tomorrow than to go through life looking back with regret.
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, say, and think.”
– Marcus Aurelius
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”
– Seneca
When you stop assuming life will continue because that’s what it’s always done for you, it becomes precious. It becomes a treasure, and you start to truly and deeply understand that life is the gift!
The greatest gift of your life is life!
Tomorrow is not the gift.
Today is the gift.
The fact that you are alive, right now, breathing, thinking, feeling—that is the gift.
This is why it’s so important to live in the present moment. The present moment is the only true moment. It’s all that matters. The past can’t be changed. The future can’t be controlled. All that matters is this one moment happening right now.
When you get to the next moment, that’s the only one that matters.
To find the beauty of life, it’s imperative you live in the present moment. Otherwise, you will find yourself on your deathbed full of regret, wondering what happened. How did life pass you by? How did it slip through your fingers like sand through a sieve?
The key to living this way is through releasing control.
The Pursuit of Control is What Makes Us Blind
The only reason people want control is because somewhere, usually deep inside themselves, there’s an absence of it. Sometimes, this stems from their inability to control particular desires. Other times, it’s because they were raised in chaos or abuse, and the trauma they’ve endured pushes them to seek a semblance of control to counter the wounds they carry.
Many times, it’s simply rooted in fear—fear of the unknown, of being hurt again, of failure, or of facing the difficult truth of reality: that life itself is never truly within their grasp.
When you attempt to fix the narrative through the means of control, you invite suffering into your life. Not because the narrative can’t be fixed, or rather changed, but because control requires a certain measure of influence over yourself and others that you can’t always ascertain or exact. What follows is frustration, anger, revenge, and grief.
Hopelessness may abound. Attaining a particular status, no matter the cost, may begin to rule your life.
Blinded by Pursuit
I submit to you, once again, that people do not want power, money, fame, anesthetizing pleasure, or superior intellects. No. What they want is peace, joy, and love. However, since they don’t know how to go about getting these latter desires, they use the former in a paltry attempt to achieve the latter, thinking this will finally fulfill them.
Most are disappointed. Not all—some find a way to integrate the latter into their lives. But many who seek the former are left wandering the desert of misery and misfortune because these things, by nature, can’t deliver what your soul is truly craving.
They may elevate your living experience, but you do not need to go far to find influential, wealthy individuals who are entirely despicable in their attitudes toward others and life, suffering the misery of their attainment.
Do not get confused and think this is an attack on the wealthy or those in powerful positions; it is an attack on the egotistical machinations of the mind hellbent on delivering you from suffering through the pursuit of false comforts, such as power, money, and fame.
Learning to let go brings deliverance. Understanding that life is the gift brings satisfaction. The surest way to achieve this is by ever-increasingly inviting gratitude into your life.
Gratitude is the Skill that Makes the Gift Visible
It’s my sense that people struggle with the idea of gratitude. We know what it means, but we don’t know what it actually means.
It’s one of those stylistic, ambiguous words often used in modern philosophy or new-age circles. Though we understand the word, it is usually stripped of the weight its meaning deserves.
Gratitude is thankfulness, and thankfulness is clarity and peace of mind.
Our true appreciation is expressed through gratitude, and it’s reciprocal: Those who express it feel grounded and full, while those who receive it feel seen and valued.
Where this begins to break down is when you’re supposed to practice gratitude. What does that mean? How do I practice gratitude, especially when there’s nothing to be grateful for? But that’s just it. Gratitude isn’t about offering mere platitudes.
It’s embracing a philosophy that life is the gift.
You are grateful because you are alive.
Embracing the fullness that life has to offer and opening yourself up to the capacity to be present with what is, regardless of the circumstances. The fullness of life shouldn’t be construed with mere perfection, without issue and void of turmoil. Instead, it encompasses both the good and the bad.
Practicing gratitude, making it a skill, means embracing all that life has to offer—the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and everything in between. It’s smiling because the sun is shining on your face and bawling your eyes out over the loss of a loved one while allowing yourself to feel the full weight of each moment.
Gratitude keeps you grounded. It pulls you back toward earth when everything seems to be falling apart. It reminds you of the impermanence of life with the age-old adage, “This too shall pass.” Because sometimes, life is just hard.
Struggle, Suffering, Pain, and Loss
Life is the gift, but it doesn’t mean you are now devoid of suffering. You will experience heartbreak. You will experience tragedy. There will be pain. In those moments, you may question the validity of gratitude.
When you’re staring down at the body of a loved one who’s no longer present in spirit, how do you embrace the present moment, and not only embrace it, but do so with gratitude? If your heart is breaking and tears are streaming down your face while you attempt to hold it together instead of falling into a sobbing mess on the floor, how do you do so with gratitude?
I’ve had to take account of these feelings when pressed into this position myself as I looked down, staring at my father’s lifeless body. His discolored skin masked by makeup, guant cheeks, and sunken eyes. I wrestled with the swirling thoughts of “Why him?”, “He won’t be able to meet my son, who will be born in just a few months.”, “I’ll never be able to ask him the pressing questions I should have asked when he was still alive.” What’s there to be thankful for?
As it turns out, there is a lot to be thankful for. The deeper I dug, the more reasons I found.
Does it mean it’s easy? No. Does being present and holding gratitude mean you won’t deal with suffering? No.
However, it prevents you from spiraling too far down where you feel like you can’t get back up again.
Receiving life as a gift doesn’t mean you’ll love every moment, but it does mean seeing every moment as an opportunity for awareness, not an escape.
Don’t Keep Trying to Escape Life; Embrace It.
Running away only prolongs the heartache you feel. Refusing to deal with your problems and issues, pretending they aren’t there, doesn’t mean they’re going away.
One of the things that made my father’s passing easier to bear was embracing his passing. This may be harder to do in certain situations, as his was over time, whereas another might experience a more sudden passing that could carry more shock to the moment. The latter might be harder to embrace, but not embracing increases the chances of prolonged suffering.
It can rob you of all the joyful moments around you because you’ve siloed yourself off from feeling to protect yourself from pain.
This doesn’t mean you don’t laugh at a joke or have a good time with a friend.
It means that when those moments are over and you’re all alone with your thoughts and feelings, how do you truly feel?
It’s those quiet moments I’m talking about. Because you can’t escape them, they’re always there waiting for you to deal with them. The problem is that most people don’t want to deal with them. They’re too hard to face. Too emotional, too scary. What if you get trapped in that emotion and can’t escape?
So, instead, you pretend they don’t exist. Rather than embracing the pain, you run from it.
Embracing Life: Lessons from Ram Dass
Artist, East Forest, had the opportunity to sit and listen to Ram Dass during some of his last days. He was able to sit and record their conversation, and he turned Ram Dass’ teachings into songs. In one of the songs titled “Please Pass the Bliss,” Ram Dass says:
“Our perception of the soul is love, love, love, love, love. You love fellow souls… I love things. I love my pain, my wheelchair. I love you all…”
– Ram Dass
As you listen to the song, you can hear the sincerity in his voice. He isn’t angry about his condition. There’s no self-pity involved due to his situation, only acceptance. Gratitude.
The line “I love my pain…” sticks out whenever I listen to this song because it is so foreign to our usual thinking. We’re taught to hate or fear pain, to run from it because it is an unpleasant experience.
However, Ram Dass states, in a simple way, “Embrace life. Embrace everything. You cannot escape the situations you’re in by running from them.”
When you curse the sky for what you’re going through or beat the ground until your knuckles are bloody, you are fighting and striving against life. You’re refusing to recognize that life is the gift, all of it. It encompasses everything.
What is joy without sadness or love without hurt? How can you know peace without chaos and suffering?
Life is the Gift You’ve Been Missing, But It’s Your Choice to Accept It
What if the moment is the gift? When I look back on life, yes, I wish I had made better choices and decisions. I wish I could have grabbed that young boy by the shoulders, looked him dead in the face, and told him what I know now before hugging him and telling him it will all be okay.
However, doing so would rob me of what I know now because those experiences shaped my understanding today. We live in a catch-22: Informing our past selves of future realizations robs our future selves of those realizations.
Instead of allowing yourself to become caught up in regret, realign yourself with gratitude for what you’ve learned and how it has allowed you to grow.
When you can pivot your thoughts in such a way, it opens the door for reframing past hurts, wounds, and frustrations. The gift of the moment is what allows you to change. You choose to either learn from the moment, integrate the experience into your life, and move forward with renewed purpose and equanimity, or stagnate in frustration until a change is forced upon you.
You will find the peace you’ve been looking for in the present moment. Recognizing that life is the gift is when your life changes.
Have you ever been in an argument and realized how ridiculous it was, and then started laughing? It’s not because you had the realization; it’s because you were pulled out of your past hurt, slight, or future worries into the present moment. In the present moment, you slowed down, and then the absurdity hit you, and that’s when laughter ensued.
Stop Running. Stop Fixing. Just Be
You don’t have to strive in life. Life has enough worries; why strive, fight, and struggle, complicating it even more?
The more you can learn to let go, the easier life flows. It’s not that problems, pain, or suffering cease to exist; instead, you don’t allow them to rob you of your peace. You ground yourself in gratitude, knowing that this life is short—the blink of an eye. You’ll be dead soon, so why waste energy on things that don’t matter?
You can fight the whole way through, or you can let go and enjoy the ride.
If this spoke to you, consider sharing it with a friend. Thank you for taking the time to read.
I wish you all the best.
Josiah
