Life is what you make it and not necessarily what happens to you. This is why today, we are going to talk about how to take control and overcome challenges by getting your mind right. The statement, “But it’s not my fault,” is a common phrase you might hear from a child; however, as an adult, you may not phrase this sentiment in the same way. You’re smarter, wiser, and can think outside the box of “Not my fault” in a way that passes responsibility onto someone or something else without feeling guilty about it. The problem is that many people “pass the buck” when it comes to situations they think they have no control over. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions that would allow them to take control of the situation and overcome their challenges, they blame the circumstances or others for how their situation or life has turned out.
If you do this, don’t feel bad because everyone does it to one degree or another. I did it all the time and still do it to this day here and there, although I am getting better at catching myself. However, there was a time when I didn’t even try to catch myself.
Now, to be clear, I feel as if I’ve always been pretty good at owning up to my mistakes if I did something wrong.
Let’s say I messed something up at work; I generally don’t have a problem saying, “Yeah, that was my fault.”
Where I was terrible at doing this was in life in general.
What does that mean?
It means that instead of taking responsibility for the course of my life or how it has turned out, I blamed anyone and everything around me.
My mentality was one that said my life is this way because of how my parents raised me, or because I didn’t go to the right school, or live in the right place, or the environment that would have allowed me to flourish wasn’t available, blah, blah, blah, BORING!
Yes, those things may be accurate, but I have a whole list of would-haves, could-haves, and should-haves that would have made my life infinitely better IF things had gone how I thought they should have gone.
I never said, “It’s not my fault because…” instead, the conversation was more along the lines of “If only I had been given this specific opportunity…” or when I was younger, “If my parents hadn’t made me do this or had let me do that…” or “If only this person I’m in a relationship with had done things differently…”
The trajectory of my life is where I found fault for how things have turned out for me personally. But is that actually true?
If you look at this idea that life is what YOU make it, it puts the responsibility on your shoulders. The issue is most people don’t know how to take control of their lives and, therefore, have issues overcoming challenges when things don’t go as they’d like.
They don’t want to take responsibility for all the thoughts, words, and deeds associated with delivering them to the doorstep of their current situation because that’s a heavy burden to bear.
It’s much easier to blame something else rather than saying you’re the one who’s at fault.
Life is What You Make It
There’s no denying this.
You can find examples of this everywhere, all across the world and throughout every age.
Individual after individual has overcome challenge after challenge in such spectacular ways that their endeavors become embedded in our history.
Look at any individual you admire throughout history, and you’ll find something they had to endure that could have derailed them and knocked them off course. Instead of faltering, they pick themselves up and continue moving forward.
They take responsibility for their thoughts, words, and actions.
You also have the other group of people who could have changed the course of history, but when adversity showed up on their doorstep, they didn’t take control of the situation; they allowed the situation to take control of them as they slowly spiraled downward.
They lacked a specific mentality that would have helped push them to overcome challenges instead of giving in to them.
What is this specific mentality?
Well, I’ve said it several times already: life is what you make it.
That’s it.
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
~ Proverbs 23:7
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
~ Budda
“If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
~ Henry Ford
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“We design our lives through the power of choices.”
~ Richard Bach
This list of quotes is just a small sample of great thinkers or teachers who value the sentiment of what I’m discussing here.
You see, it isn’t about what happens to you. It’s about how you respond. This doesn’t mean a verbal response, though it can be a part of it; rather, it’s how you see yourself within the situation and how you decide to move forward.
Do you allow that situation to take control of you and cause you to feel less than who you truly are, or do you take control of the situation and live life on your terms?
How to Take Control and Overcome Challenges
This part is straightforward in theory but can be more complex in practice.
Here’s how you do it.
You have to put yourself in the right mindset, which is that no matter what happens, you won’t let that person or situation dictate the outcome of your life.
This doesn’t mean you won’t face challenges, failure, or heartache because those are inevitable.
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
~ The Dalai Lama Haruki Murakami
What it means is that when faced with those situations, you move forward with equanimity because those things don’t dictate how you think and feel about yourself.
Wayne Dyer stated,
“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”
~ Wayne Dyer
Again, this sentiment runs through the messages of many individuals throughout the ages.
When you really break it down, all that’s needed is mastery over your mind.
However, this isn’t as easy as it seems. Just try meditating for 20 minutes and see how it goes. For some people, 10 minutes of meditation is too much.
Why? Meditation is such a simple act. You’re just sitting still and silent; what’s so hard about that?
That’s precisely what’s so hard about it. Most people can’t do that easily because they allow their minds to run rampant all day, every day.
So, sitting still in silence can become very uncomfortable. Your body and mind begin to revolt against the practice simply because you’re not used to it.
Instead, you’re used to being upset and frustrated, angry or jealous, bitter, hateful, resentful, depressed, anxious, and unworthy.
How can you sit in silence when, the moment you do, you are bombarded by these unwanted thoughts and feelings?
Or maybe you can’t do it because you’re always worried or anxious about what you need to get done. You may not even associate worry or anxiety with the idea of needing to get things done, but how do you feel when you aren’t getting things done?
Does the idea, “I need to get things done,” cover up your feeling of a particularly unwanted emotion? As a result, your way to escape that feeling is to do something, anything! Just don’t sit still and quiet.
If you don’t think this is true, start driving your car without music playing or talking to anyone; just sit silently each time you go somewhere.
This experience may feel as uncomfortable as meditating. This most likely means you have some deeper issues you haven’t been willing to address; otherwise, why would the stillness and silence bother you?
Not everyone has this experience, as some people like silence because it allows them to think about deeper issues. But just thinking about deeper issues doesn’t mean you’re addressing them. It might simply mean you’re ruminating on them instead.
Which is why having the right mindset is essential.
What is the Right Mindset?
Being okay no matter what happens to you or around you. Taking responsibility for how you think and feel about your life and your decisions.
It means not allowing outside events to dictate your internal emotional equilibrium.
Sadhguru said it this way,
“Is your life in the pursuit of happiness, or is it an expression of joy.”
~ Sadhguru
The pursuit of happiness mindset means you don’t have what you need to be or feel satisfied with life. There’s always something missing.
On the other hand, the expression of joy is the mindset that you are happy just because you are happy. The feeling is there regardless of the situation. You don’t rely on outside circumstances or other people to inform you how to feel.
You understand that you cannot control outside events. As I mentioned earlier with the Wayne Dyer quote, you can only control what’s happening internally.
This can be difficult.
But if you can learn to control that aspect of yourself, you will begin to set yourself free from any unwanted or undesirable feelings you may be experiencing.
Harsh as it may seem, you are the only one responsible for how your life has turned out.
Can people or situations have influenced the outcome? Sure. But you’re the one who decided to act and respond the way you did and still do; therefore, you are living the life you created for yourself.
Life is what you make it, and as such, you now have the liberty to create it in whatever way you want if you haven’t already done so.
You can take control today.
You have the ability to overcome challenges that you may not think you can overcome.
To do so, you have to get your mindset right. You have to start believing you have what it takes. You have to start taking your power back from individuals or situations to which you willingly give your power.
This doesn’t mean you’re starting fights, being aggressive and getting up in people’s faces, or treating people with disrespect.
It simply means you’re not going to allow those things to take up space in your mind to the point where they cause anguish.
Instead, you’re going to greet the situations, whatever they may be, as they come.
But this is going to take practice.
Do the Work
If you truly want to take control of your life, you’re going to have to do the work.
This means becoming conscious of every unconscious thought so that your thoughts don’t end up controlling you.
You have to continually be aware of the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel because they both drive and feed off each other.
Rather than just giving into your feelings like you usually do and then allowing thoughts that reinforce those feelings to take control, or vice versa, you’ll have to monitor your mind to catch those thoughts and feelings as often as possible.
Eventually, you’ll start to get good at it.
Instead of spending a week angry and frustrated about something that happened, you might be able to get over it in a few days. Soon, it might only take a few hours instead of a few days. As you progress, it will go from a few hours to minutes, minutes to seconds, and hopefully, to where you aren’t disturbed at all.
Sound too good to be true? IT IS!!!
Just kidding. It can happen.
I used to be so congested with all sorts of nonsense that plagued me for one reason or another, but as I got better at policing my mind, many of those thoughts and feelings that caused me so much grief began clearing out.
It’s one of the reasons I was able to overcome 20+ years of depression. I got good at noticing when I was thinking or feeling thoughts and emotions in alignment with depression.
However, getting to this place wasn’t easy. In fact, it was very difficult learning how to overcome myself.
Regardless, I struggled on and kept fighting. I stayed as consistent as possible and decided I wouldn’t give up, and eventually, I started to see progress. I began to see and experience real change.
Life is what you make it! I know this because I am now making my life rather than allowing it to make me.
If I can do it, as someone who felt trapped in utter darkness with no hope of finding a way out and who almost committed suicide on three separate occasions as a result, then I know you can do it, too.
Somewhere, deep down inside you, there is a power that will allow you to take control of your life to overcome your challenges.
Are you willing to let that power out so that you can be the person you want to be—the real you, not the version you created based on what other people think or the situations you had to endure?
The real you.
If you’re ready, start today.
Here’s a simple step to practice to get your feet wet:
Every time you begin to think thoughts you don’t want to think or find yourself in the middle of that thought cycle, turn it off and focus on who you want to become.
That’s it.
Don’t allow those unwanted thoughts to persist. Kill them right then and there. Every. Single. Time.
Initially, you may have to do this multiple times within an hour, or 30 minutes, 10 minutes, and even 60-second timeframes.
The reason is that you’re so used to going down the path of rumination or wanting to react that your body and mind keep telling you this “thing,” whatever it may be that you’re attempting to overcome, is of the utmost importance and must be dealt with now.
Even if that means all you do is think about it in circles to the point of frustration.
You just need to understand that your ego is merely attempting to defend itself from a perceived injustice or that it must protect and preserve itself.
Ultimately, toying with that line of thinking only keeps you trapped, so kill the thoughts as soon as you realize they’re there and what you’re doing.
Another thing that will help is if you begin to address the reasons you continually deal with this issue in the first place. Stop running from it.
Your parents treated you poorly? Deal with it! Actually, take time to work that out of your system. This might mean going to therapy or something of that nature. If that’s what it takes, then do it.
This applies to any reason you feel trapped by your thoughts and emotions. If you don’t try to get to the root cause, everything else will be a bandaid.
But what would you rather do, keep putting bandaids on your wounds or actually find healing?
You can run and hide all you want, but if you don’t begin to address the issues you’re dealing with and start to take control of your thoughts and emotions, don’t expect anything to change.
There isn’t a magic pill or formula for this other than doing the work.
So, what are you going to do? You can either start doing the work or keep living life as you have been.
I don’t know if I said it enough, but life is what you make it.
What do you plan to do with your life?
Please be sure to share this message. I’m sure you want to change the world and see it become an even better place than it already is. But to do that, we each have to do our part to make that change ourselves.
“In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first.”
~ Jimmy Hendrix
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi
“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
~ Paulo Coelho
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
~ Leo Tolstoy
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
~ Anne Frank
Thank you for reading.
Much love to you all.
Josiah
